growing up…
We have a routine every morning. I wake up. Wake my kids up and do all the things every parent does to get their kids ready for school ON TIME in the morning. Feed them, remind them to get dressed, remind them to brush their teeth, remind them to put their shoes on, etc., and when I say “remind” I mean nag. Then we walk to school. First my oldest to his 2nd grade class and them my kindergartner to his class.
Well today was different. Today we get to school and J (my oldest) runs into 3 of his classmates and starts walking with them to his class. UPSTAIRS. WITHOUT ME. He was walking shoulder to shoulder and they were all sounding like little chipmunks chatting back and forth and they were so cute. And he was walking away from me. GULP. I swear for a split moment, as I watched him, those busy halls with people bumping their way through other people and trying to get to their classes in time, were no more. Time literally stood still. All I could do was watch my baby grow up from infancy and walk away all grown up.
OK, so great. Now I’m about to cry.
So I called out his name and waved goodbye and told him I loved him, trying not to embarrass him, but he flashed me his huge smile and nodded and said “love you too, mom”.
Waterworks in 3…2…1…WHAAA!
I wanted to stomp my feet and shout “STOP GROWING UP!” But of course that’s not gonna happen. We all grow up…
and we never stop…
As I was walking home and reflecting, I realized he at least has his next 10 yrs or so decided for him. He goes to school where I put him in and everything else is just icing on the top. His life is set for awhile. Mine, on the other hand, has just evolved. I am a stay-at-home-mom, but now I have no children to stay at home FOR. That chapter in my life is closed (temporarily, hopefully. Here’s looking at you, honey), but that’ll be another few years probably. I now have time to do all the great things in my life all us SAHMs complain we wish we could do. I can go to school, or take fun foodie, crafty hobby classes, get a part time job, or start a career, and just be something for MYSELF. But now that it’s here, I’m a little bit lost. Unsure. I wonder if this is partly what empty nest feels like.
There are some certainties, though. I am certain I want the flexibility to chaperone their field trips and volunteer in their classes. I want to be the “soccer mom” and have time to make them fun snacks and delicious home cooked healthy meals. I am certain that whatever I do, it has to add value to my life as well as others. I am certain that when my children come home I want to feel fulfilled and energetic instead of doing something that robs me of my peace and happiness. These are my values and goals that I hold to myself only.
So now, it’s time to play and explore another layer of myself. I’m growing up too…
